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Positively Pregnant

Hypnobirthing Rant Incoming...

Updated: Jul 23

OK, so not exactly a rant... but a grumble. An explanation perhaps. A confession.


You see, way back when I first started teaching hypnobirthing, 6 years ago now... fresh faced from my own positive hospital birth here in Northumberland & keen to spread my new found knowledge & passion about how birth COULD be incredible... I trained with a big(ish) hypnobirthing school.


It was a great course, an approved Royal College of Midwifery course in fact - and it gave me a great baseline knowledge of how I could go on to help and inspire other mums to be looking for a positive experience of birth.





BUT... a few months into teaching this 'regular' hypnobirthing course, I knew deep down that it wasn't enough by a long shot, in terms of what parents really needed to know before navigating the modern maternity system. It was lovely, don't get me wrong - as are all typical hypnobirthing courses.


About 7 months into teaching 'regular' hypnobirthing I stepped away.


I left the 'big brand' school and took A LOT of time (and money) to up-level my knowledge on all things birth, learning from some of the most prominent and respected midwives, doctors and doulas across the world. I even became a qualified therapist (CBT, Hypnotherapy), trained in aromatherapy,the physiology of birth, biomechanics, rebozo, evidence based birth, massage for birth and eventually - became a Doula.


I used to think that those sort of traditional hypnobirthing courses were 'better than nothing'.


But now - I'm honestly not sure.





I think there's perhaps something really not good about coming away from a hypnobirthing course and thinking that all you need to do in order to have a beautiful, calm, tranquil birth (calm and tranquil, by the way, are things which, even in a completely undisturbed free birth, are rare to see...) is to practice your breathing techniques, get rid of/ beat your fears and pop some fairy lights up - you know, for the oxytocin!


Perhaps, if we're lucky, the course might touch on birth rights. You know, 'just say NO'.


But it's rarely that simple - in terms of feeling assertive enough to move past a lifetime of conditioning to say 'no', fully understanding ALL of your choices, helping to minimise the chances 'the thing' from happening in the first place' and the biggie... you care providers actually listening to that no.


Perhaps the course might run through some of the main interventions on offer... but nothing of how you can begin stacking the odds in your favour of not needing these interventions with specific exercises or nutrition (think malpositioned babies and the importance of biomechanics) because, honestly - it's not in the training course (well it certainly wasn't in the RCM course I did).


Perhaps you'll learn some birth positions - but not about how memorising and learning pre determined 'ideal' positions can prevent you from moving intuitively, helping to prevent things like shoulder dystocia from happening.


Perhaps those hypnosis techniques will work really well... but without the exploration into your 'good girl' programming they can end up serving to mildly sedate and disassociate whilst you consent to things you didn't really want.


Phew.





There's huge potential for harm here; where you know a bit about birth - enough to make you think you know enough, especially if the course you're taken is marketed as 'all you need to know'. But it's not enough, not really. Especially when it lures you into that false sense of 'everything will be ok, as long as I do this right'.


When I've worked with couples who have done a hypnobirthing course in a previous pregnancy & then come to me for birth prep second time around, there's often this feeling from women that if their first birth wasn't 'calm' or 'tranquil' that THEY did something wrong. That they didn't breathe right, or perhaps didn't banish all of their subconscious fears enough.


And I hate that.





Over the years I've even wondered - would it be better for those parents, who had the absolute dream birth sold to them, boosted up to believe it would be simple to achieve and then found it not so... would it have been better to have known nothing?


I know its certainly a train of thought a lot of mums who have found themselves in this very situation are having over on social media.


I know it was certainly a hard pill for me to swallow when I first realised that what I was teaching had the potential to do more harm than good. To have the potential to make women blame themselves for a birth experience that they were unprepared for.





Most teachers will absolutely embrace and comfort women who's births do not go 'to plan', although I have absolutley heard from clients about some big brands who actively discourage 'negative' birth stories to be shared in their Facebook groups, incase it upsets the other mums. Yikes.


I know back in the day it used to almost physically pain me when parents didn't get the outcome they were so desperately hoping for. I would wrack my brains on WHY... why didn't it go to plan for them?! Did I teach the course right - did I remember to include all the different techniques?


Looking back I can see both the gaps in my knowledge back then, but also in how I was taking on far too much misplaced responsibility for other adults and their journeys.


It's been a long road, and both myself as a birth professional, and the Positively Pregnant birth prep course are in a constant process of re-evaluation and improvement.


I think especially since becoming a doula, and actually being IN the birth room, rather than all of my birth knowledge being theoretical... essentially OTHER people's thoughts, feelings and experiences of birth... I have been able to (slowly!) form and piece together what MY understanding of birth is & what those going through it might want or need.





When I look back on particular 'strong feelings' or even what I just took to be true about birth & the maternity system I do have to stop myself from laughing. Or cringing actually.


And I also still have to periodically remind myself that although I'm now teaching something that is so much more realistic (not pessimistic!) and grounded in real life knowledge of birth - that I know that a couples entire preparation for birth does not fall on me.


I make sure couples know this during a course, and (hopefully) give them a launch pad, from which to go onwards to explore themselves & their needs for birth, with us both knowing that their reclamation of their power does not involve me taking responsibility for their birth outcome. Really, we only become powerful when we alone take this full responsibility.


So here I am... a somewhat confused (when it comes to the topic of hypnobirthing) doula, who perhaps is slowly, slowly stepping away from the term altogether. I just don't know.


It seems a shame in a way, as 'traditional' hypnobirthing is absolutely what started me on this long path to birth work. It's a space full of beautiful souls, passionate about creating change, humanity and happiness in the birth world.


But I can definitely feel parents starting to shrink away a little at the reputation its perhaps creating, and I am along with them, I think!


With gentle, honest love from The Farmhouse,


Doula Jess x




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