What My Free birth Taught Me - Reflections, 4 years on
- Positively Pregnant
- Jun 27
- 5 min read
It’s been four years since my daughter was born in the quiet of our Northumberland home, in a pool of warm water and unwavering trust.
She came earth side just as she needed to - calm, alert, and completely undisturbed.
And while that night gifted us our long-awaited daughter, it also gave me something else. Something I didn’t even know I was seeking.
It gave me myself.
Her birth was redemptive. Clarifying. And deeply, deeply powerful. Not because it was loud or dramatic - but because it was mine. Entirely. It wasn’t managed or monitored or measured. It was trusted.
And it taught me more than I could have imagined.
1. Your body already knows the way
Birth isn’t a performance. It’s a journey... ancient, wise, and wild. One that unfolds best when we’re left alone to do what we already know how to do.
During Primrose’s birth, I didn’t need anyone to direct me. I didn’t need to be told when to push, or how to breathe, or whether I was “doing it right.”
The only voice I needed was my baby’s… and my own.
2. Birth doesn’t always need managing - but it always needs honouring
There’s this myth that birth is dangerous unless it’s tightly controlled. But in truth, it’s the overmanagement of birth - the interruptions, the protocols, the coercion - that so often create the danger.
When women are undisturbed, birth flows. It might be intense or quiet or wild or slow ... but it’s theirs.
What I needed in labour wasn’t overseeing. It was space, love, and reverence. And that’s exactly what I got.
3. Being supported doesn’t mean being directed
Having a doula at my freebirth wasn’t about having someone take charge. It was about having someone hold space. Witness. Ground. Soften.
She didn’t try to guide me or manage me. She didn’t ask for updates or track contractions or get in my way. And that allowed me to go fully inward - to labour how I needed to, with no eyes on me and no agenda in the air.
Support in birth isn’t about doing. It’s about being.
4. When you know your rights, you can choose your path
There were many moments in pregnancy where I had to hold firm. When policies were presented as rules. When fear was weaponised as care.
But I knew that “no” is a full sentence. And I knew that my care, my body, and my baby were still mine to lead.
Saying no to unnecessary monitoring didn’t mean saying no to safety. It meant saying yes to what felt safe for me.
5. Peaceful can be powerful too
There was no drama in our birth room. No chaos. No frantic urgency.
Just candlelight. Steady breath. Quiet music. A whisper of ancestors. But by no means was it 'easy'. My goodness I was battling some inner chaos at times... there was a LOT of inner self talk going on.
Birth doesn’t have to be a battle to be powerful. It can be soft, still, sacred. And in that surrender, I met a strength deeper than anything I’d known before.
6. Birth can be healing
After a hospital birth that left me doubting my body and carrying subtle trauma, this birth changed everything. Not just for me - but for the mother & Doula I’ve been since.
It cleared something. Rewrote something. Helped me remember what’s always been true:
I am capable. I am wise. I am allowed to lead.
And so are you.
Both before and since Primrose’s arrival, I’ve had the honour of supporting other women who’ve chosen to birth outside the system. Often it’s because the system couldn’t offer them what they truly needed: safety, dignity, sovereignty.
As an experienced doula supporting freebirths in Northumberland and across the North East, I don’t arrive with a clipboard or a stopwatch. I don’t need to know where you are in labour, or tell you what to do. Instead, I become part of the quiet. The protection. The anchoring energy in the room.
I think of a beautiful birth I supported not long ago - Kim’s freebirth - of her third child.
She moved through her labour silently, almost invisibly. I didn’t speak. I didn’t touch her. I simply witnessed.
Sitting in the corner of the room, breathing with her, holding a frequency of calm and trust. At one point she looked over and said, “I didn’t even know you were still here… but I know I'm safe.”
To many, that might not sound like “doing” much. But for a woman deep in her birth portal, non-interference is everything.
I’m not there to lead the birth. I’m there to protect the space so she can.
🌿 A question for you to muse...
If you’re preparing for birth - whether a freebirth, a midwife supported home birth, or a hospital birth - I invite you to ask:
“Who do I really want in my birth space… and what kind of safety do I feel will they bring?”
Not just clinical safety, but emotional safety. Energetic safety. The kind that lets you exhale, tune in, and birth your baby on your terms.
If this resonates with you, you might also enjoy my recent blog post:🔗 Let’s Talk Birth Environment: The Space Shapes the Story
💛 Wondering what it feels like to be held in this way?
If you’re based in Northumberland or anywhere in the North East and are planning a freebirth or home birth - or even just considering it - I’d love to walk beside you.
I offer bespoke doula support, both in-person and online, that centres your intuition, your autonomy, and your unique birth story. Because you deserve care that trusts your body as much as you do.
And if you’re not quite ready yet? That’s okay. Keep tuning in. Keep asking the questions.
The answers are already inside you.
With love,
Doula Jess x
Jessica Ord is award-winning birth doula and hypnobirthing educator, supporting parents across the North East. With just under a decade's experience in this work, she specialises in home birth, high risk labels and supporting sovereign, self led parents.
Blending ancient wisdom with modern care, she holds a regular low cost pregnancy group NE Bump Club from her idyllic antenatal studio at her family farm in Northumberland.
From wild pregnancies to water births, she specialises in supporting you to trust your instincts, birth on your terms, and feel powerful doing it.
You can find out more about her pregnancy & birth support services here:
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